If you recall or read last week's post, I said that this year I would keep my sanity. After I posted that, I looked back through the blog and realized that I have written something similar every August that the blog has been in existence. And for a second, the negativity started - why was this year going to be any different? You say the same thing every year - less stress, more enjoyment, blah, blah, blah. You'll be a fruitcake by October like you always are. And then, I told myself to SHUT UP. This year will be different. It takes hitting rock bottom to realize that you have choices about certain things. And this year, I will keep that promise to myself and my family to choose sanity. To choose balance. I think part of what will remind me to do that is to check in weekly. Maybe here, maybe just in my head, but changing some pretty ingrained habits is hard, even when it's for the better. Work and taking on too much and stress is as addictive as alcohol or gambling in the academic world. It's such a badge of honor in this industry (and many others) to be able to brag about how much you work. So, like a recovering heroin addict, I'm still on methadone and I need to check in with my sponsor every once in awhile.. :) Anyway...enough rambling.
IAN STARTED KINDERGARTEN!
He was so excited. I was excited for him. I thought about him all day - was he having fun? Was he paying attention? Did he like his classmates? Did he like his teacher? Could he tuck his shirt in after using the bathroom (we need to practice that one more)? I think most parents have a "favorite age" and I have realized that the older he gets, the more I like parenting. And this is a really fun age. So was 4, and 3 wasn't too bad. But 5 is FUN. We have the best conversations, he's really into Halloween and is already coming up with ways to make our house "smookier" and has already decided on costumes for himself, me (a mummy), and Dave (Frankenstein). He has the best imagination and sense of humor and he's genuinely my little buddy. We still have our moments (and it's like arguing with myself in a mirror - he's got the same stubborn personality that I do). I've also finally stopped being jealous of bigger families. A wise friend who has been in the same situation we were in (a second pregnancy wasn't possible for medical reasons) said once that the anger and loss that you feel in that situation isn't as much about not being able to have another child (though that's part of it), but it's that the choice was taken away from you. Very, very true. But I think that I've finally accepted that our little family is just what was intended. Maybe we'll adopt later, maybe we won't. Right now, I'm happy and appreciative of what we have. But so far, kindergarten is going well. Mommy just needs to realize that he will have homework (oops) and we'll be fine. So awesome when you don't have your homework on the third day of school and your parents are teachers. Sorry, Mrs. G!
The MSFS program has officially started, and we have a fantastic group of students. I really couldn't be happier with our inaugural class. This is definitely an area where it's easy to get overwhelmed, and where I went wrong last year. Recruiting, marketing, thinking about the next class, the budget, the curriculum, possible electives, exit exams, research projects. I get hives if I think about it in totality. So I don't. I have started keeping a good old-fashioned notepad by my desk and whenever I think about things I need to take care of, I write it down. I think a lot of my stress and anxiety last year was a constant fear that I was forgetting something. I still have that fear, but it's not as bad now. Because, nobody has ever died from an academic emergency. So, one week in, no one's quit, and I haven't cried once - we're good! :)
I've been meditating every night before I go to bed. I belong to myyogaonline.com and it's great. I have never seriously meditated and used visualization before, but I'll tell you what, I think it helps. I am sleeping better and wake up calmer. I've been working through some blood sugar issues lately, so I haven't started back to yoga or swimming yet, but that is the next step. Now, as for my no-complaints challenge, I'm back on day 3. I had to restart on Wednesday because I went to a friend's office and flat out complained after a faculty meeting. It was one of those situations where I knew I couldn't hold it in, so I might as well let it all out and restart. But I'd made it 4 days before that, and it has been interesting. If you acknowledge a negative feeling and even if you say it out loud in a non-complaining way, it really does force you to look at why you feel that way, which is actually useful. I have felt more positive this week than I did any of last year, and even when I'm not radiating happiness and sunshine, acknowledging how I really feel and looking at why I feel that way instead of whining is pretty good.
I'm also super excited. For the first time since my first year here, Dave and I are taking Labor Day weekend off! Yes, that's right, we are going to have fun, and to actually enjoy the holiday! We are going camping. We have a reservation, the housesitter is booked, and in two weeks we will be canoeing, making campfires, roasting marshmallows, and pretending we're homeless. It's going to be awesome! I'm still trying to get Dave to bring our hammock and stand, but he says it won't fit in the car with all of the other crap we take. I say, he teaches physics - figure it out. We'll see who wins. But either way, I'm super excited.
I think that recaps the week. So far, so good. I'm going to remember that Ian has homework, not to stress too much, and not to make cauliflower chowder - that was a bad idea. Live and learn. :)
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