Parenting - my thoughts 2.5 years in...

So, lots of people are having babies.  Snooki, my friend Megan, one of my closest friends, Melissa, getting ready to have her second.  Now that we've had Ian for 2 1/2 years and CPS hasn't been called once, I thought I'd share my thoughts on parenting - the good, the bad, and the ugly.   My thoughts, my blog - if you disagree, feel free to keep that to yourself. :)

On Sunday, Snooki had her baby.  I was pretty sure that the Mayans had their dates screwed up and that the world was supposed to end on this date, but we're all here, so I guess not.  She's tweeted a lot, apparently, (I don't follow her on Twitter, I do read online tabloids) about how amazing her son is, how in love she is, how amazing breastfeeding is.  Good for her.  But what if having a baby isn't like that?  What if that bond takes longer to form than a nanosecond?  What if it's not like A Baby Story?  Are you a crappy parent?  It's taken me a long time to realize that this is one of the first dirty little secrets of parenting.  Absolutely, I loved my child.  Absolutely, I would have laid down my life for him from the moment I found out I was pregnant.  But those thoughts of amazement, sunshine, and roses took weeks.  Maybe months.  When we brought Ian home from the hospital, Dave and I sat on the couch at one point looking at each other and saying "What the hell did we just do??"  It was a lot of reality that we now had another human completely dependent on us.  This wasn't a new puppy that we could leave alone for a few hours.  This was real.

Now, I'm much more confident in my parenting.  And Ian's more interactive.  Another dirty little secret - not everyone enjoys the newborn stage.  Yes, he was fun to dress up and didn't talk back.  But I had NO IDEA what to do with him when we were alone and he was awake.  There's a very good reason I work with adults all day - I'm not naturally good with kids.  Now, though, we can play.  We can talk to each other.  We argue (he's 2!).  Sometimes I win, sometimes I cave.  Sometimes I sit back and think about how funny and charming he is and sometimes he's well, 2.  And I have to admit (dirty little secret #3) - sometimes I miss our old life.  According to parenting articles, Hallmark movies, and TLC, the moment your child is born you are supposed to utter phrases like "I can't remember what life was like without him/her."  Guess what?  Some of us remember.  I remember what it was like to be able to have a lazy Saturday lounging around, doing whatever we wanted.  I remember what it was like to work, guilt-free, because we were both workaholics.  We had 10 years of marriage before we had Ian.  Then again, when I have these thoughts, I remember that he won't always be so much work.  That it's getting easier and easier to do things and go places with him.  And that he brings a lot of balance to my life and I'm proud of the fact that when we're home he gets all of our attention until he goes to bed.  I don't feel guilty whatsoever for not being a stay-at-home mom.  I know that if I was I'd a cranky, resentful, crappy mom.  I'm a better mom (God knows, not a perfect one) because I have my job.

Potty training is in full swing.  No magic tricks or sage words of advice here.  Some days are awesome and some days aren't.  Two steps forward, one step back.  He won't go to college in diapers.  Or hopefully dirty underwear.  For instance, today he was dry all day - not one accident.  We were home, we'd used the potty no problem, then I needed to do a load of laundry and the water coming into the washer made him soak his underwear and pee on the floor.  Oh well.  We mopped it up and moved on. We handled potty training like we do most things around here - negotiation and a little bribery.  The trick to negotiating is to let them think they've won something, when in reality you were going to let them do it anyway.  Want to watch some Dora before daycare? AFTER we go potty, brush teeth, get dressed, etc.  And by then there's 5 minutes left and I would let him watch for 5 minutes anyway, but he thinks he's getting his way.  He's becoming a champion negotiator, though.  One M&M for going potty? "Two"  Want a bedtime kiss? "watch more Dora" He's not dumb - and it's hilarious when he uses the system against us.

We're done having kids.  That wasn't a choice that was entirely freely made and it was a decision that was easy to make and took months to accept.  But it's the clear choice given the 2+ year battle I've had with my eyes.  Another kid isn't worth my vision.  And several close friends with only children or who are only children have convinced me that Ian will not be a sociopath, a brat, or perpetually lonely.  And now that we've accepted it, there are perks.  It's easier to travel with him than if we had more.  Certainly, there are financial considerations. I don't have to ever own a minivan if I don't want to.  And it's kinda cool being the three musketeers.

So overall, parenting is great.  I'm glad we had a child.  He's an amazing little guy.  Did I also mention he inherited my stubbornness?  Yeah, there's been a lot of days lately where I feel like I never say yes and everything is one big fight, but then there are all those times that he wants a hug, a story, to play with me, and I realize that saying no doesn't make me the bad guy for too long.  And yes, I remember EXACTLY what life was like before, but I wouldn't trade it for the now.

Another day, another semester.  Wait, didn't I promise to write more regularly?  Wasn't that promise made in JANUARY?  Oops.  I give props to the people who write the blogs that I read every day - it's hard to be thought provoking on a daily basis.  Which is probably why some of the blogs I read photograph their bowl of oatmeal every single morning and call it a post.  And then I go back every day to see if they ate anything different for breakfast.  I digress.  I'm sure no one was logging on here on a daily basis to see if I'd posted anything new. :)

But if you did miss my ramblings, I am going to try to do better this fall.  I tell my students all the time that the only part of writing that I enjoy is seeing my name in the table of contents in a journal.  And that's true, but blogging is different.  It's a little bit of a release.  And I like to think that I'm entertaining, at least a little bit.  So what's on my mind tonight?  Well, I guess I'll tell you what I did this summer.

Half my lab graduated.  I got seriously sentimental over these guys - I had my first group pretty much ever where everyone got along, there was no drama, and I didn't have an ulcer worrying about them.  Seriously some of the most talented, wonderful young people I've ever had the pleasure of working with.  Two are at my alma mater, working toward their Ph.D.s in neurobiology and chemistry, one landed her dream job as a professor at a community college, one got into medical school, and two are staying on for their master's with me, which I'm so glad about.  Even more miraculous is that two theses were generated and both students are still speaking to me!  A first for me!

I taught summer A&P for the first time.  Loved having 10 people in class, especially since they were a fun bunch.  Co-taught cadaver lab (ok, really I didn't teach, I hung out and talked to the students).  Really, those guys caught on pretty quickly to the fact that I 1) stink at dissection and 2) hadn't studied a lick to teach the class.  "Should we cut that off, Dr. Bailey?" "Well, um, it looks important, we should probably ask Dr. Sievert."  I need to hone my dissecting skills, for reals, before next summer.  I "helped" my regular A&P students dissect their cats - it looked like someone went after them with a butter knife and a hatchet.  NOT pretty.  Oh well, I'm still the reigning histology queen at ESU, thank you very much.

I went to Baltimore for the annual TS meeting and had a really great time.  Loved seeing friends, loved the science, loved seeing my students shine, and loved seeing my mentors.  As a bonus, I got to go to NY for a couple of days and see my sister, brother-in-law, and impossibly cute nephew.  We bonded over playing Angry Birds until he realized that I wasn't Mommy.  He did love Crazy Aunt Lissa for running through the sprinklers at the pool though!

I also got back in the pool.  Swimming is the only form of exercise that I'm good at, which sucks for anyone who has to see me in a swimsuit at the pool, but oh well.  It's actually not pure, unending torture.  I swim with fins and pretend that I'm a perfect hybrid of Michael Phelps and Gisele Bundchen. And then I get out of the pool and look in the mirror...one day. :)  I've decided that swimming makes me a happier person and I'm going to take time to do it.  And I just found a swimsuit on splish.com that has a skeleton on it that I have to have.

And now it's fall.  I have some new undergrads, two returning/new grad students, and the gang that didn't graduate last year.  I think it's going to be a great group, but we'll definitely need Betty for entertainment purposes at the Christmas party.  A&P is going well so far - some fun people in there.  In case you think I forgot that I have a son, I haven't.  The Dictatortot is the subject of my next post!