Parenting - my thoughts 2.5 years in...

So, lots of people are having babies.  Snooki, my friend Megan, one of my closest friends, Melissa, getting ready to have her second.  Now that we've had Ian for 2 1/2 years and CPS hasn't been called once, I thought I'd share my thoughts on parenting - the good, the bad, and the ugly.   My thoughts, my blog - if you disagree, feel free to keep that to yourself. :)

On Sunday, Snooki had her baby.  I was pretty sure that the Mayans had their dates screwed up and that the world was supposed to end on this date, but we're all here, so I guess not.  She's tweeted a lot, apparently, (I don't follow her on Twitter, I do read online tabloids) about how amazing her son is, how in love she is, how amazing breastfeeding is.  Good for her.  But what if having a baby isn't like that?  What if that bond takes longer to form than a nanosecond?  What if it's not like A Baby Story?  Are you a crappy parent?  It's taken me a long time to realize that this is one of the first dirty little secrets of parenting.  Absolutely, I loved my child.  Absolutely, I would have laid down my life for him from the moment I found out I was pregnant.  But those thoughts of amazement, sunshine, and roses took weeks.  Maybe months.  When we brought Ian home from the hospital, Dave and I sat on the couch at one point looking at each other and saying "What the hell did we just do??"  It was a lot of reality that we now had another human completely dependent on us.  This wasn't a new puppy that we could leave alone for a few hours.  This was real.

Now, I'm much more confident in my parenting.  And Ian's more interactive.  Another dirty little secret - not everyone enjoys the newborn stage.  Yes, he was fun to dress up and didn't talk back.  But I had NO IDEA what to do with him when we were alone and he was awake.  There's a very good reason I work with adults all day - I'm not naturally good with kids.  Now, though, we can play.  We can talk to each other.  We argue (he's 2!).  Sometimes I win, sometimes I cave.  Sometimes I sit back and think about how funny and charming he is and sometimes he's well, 2.  And I have to admit (dirty little secret #3) - sometimes I miss our old life.  According to parenting articles, Hallmark movies, and TLC, the moment your child is born you are supposed to utter phrases like "I can't remember what life was like without him/her."  Guess what?  Some of us remember.  I remember what it was like to be able to have a lazy Saturday lounging around, doing whatever we wanted.  I remember what it was like to work, guilt-free, because we were both workaholics.  We had 10 years of marriage before we had Ian.  Then again, when I have these thoughts, I remember that he won't always be so much work.  That it's getting easier and easier to do things and go places with him.  And that he brings a lot of balance to my life and I'm proud of the fact that when we're home he gets all of our attention until he goes to bed.  I don't feel guilty whatsoever for not being a stay-at-home mom.  I know that if I was I'd a cranky, resentful, crappy mom.  I'm a better mom (God knows, not a perfect one) because I have my job.

Potty training is in full swing.  No magic tricks or sage words of advice here.  Some days are awesome and some days aren't.  Two steps forward, one step back.  He won't go to college in diapers.  Or hopefully dirty underwear.  For instance, today he was dry all day - not one accident.  We were home, we'd used the potty no problem, then I needed to do a load of laundry and the water coming into the washer made him soak his underwear and pee on the floor.  Oh well.  We mopped it up and moved on. We handled potty training like we do most things around here - negotiation and a little bribery.  The trick to negotiating is to let them think they've won something, when in reality you were going to let them do it anyway.  Want to watch some Dora before daycare? AFTER we go potty, brush teeth, get dressed, etc.  And by then there's 5 minutes left and I would let him watch for 5 minutes anyway, but he thinks he's getting his way.  He's becoming a champion negotiator, though.  One M&M for going potty? "Two"  Want a bedtime kiss? "watch more Dora" He's not dumb - and it's hilarious when he uses the system against us.

We're done having kids.  That wasn't a choice that was entirely freely made and it was a decision that was easy to make and took months to accept.  But it's the clear choice given the 2+ year battle I've had with my eyes.  Another kid isn't worth my vision.  And several close friends with only children or who are only children have convinced me that Ian will not be a sociopath, a brat, or perpetually lonely.  And now that we've accepted it, there are perks.  It's easier to travel with him than if we had more.  Certainly, there are financial considerations. I don't have to ever own a minivan if I don't want to.  And it's kinda cool being the three musketeers.

So overall, parenting is great.  I'm glad we had a child.  He's an amazing little guy.  Did I also mention he inherited my stubbornness?  Yeah, there's been a lot of days lately where I feel like I never say yes and everything is one big fight, but then there are all those times that he wants a hug, a story, to play with me, and I realize that saying no doesn't make me the bad guy for too long.  And yes, I remember EXACTLY what life was like before, but I wouldn't trade it for the now.