Today was one of those days when I realized that a little preparation goes a long way. Like, do the laundry, fold it, and put it away. We're great at the first two, not so great at the last one, so I spent 30 minutes this morning frantically tearing the house apart looking for Ian's khaki uniform shorts (because he HAAAD to wear the blue polo, not red, not white). I was just about to choose between non-regulation cargo shorts and his underwear, all the while thinking about enrolling him in public school so he could wear whatever the hell I could find easily in his room, when I found those stupid shorts. I get downstairs to make his lunch and realize that his cold pack never made it into the fridge. I improvise and put a whole bag of frozen broccoli in his lunchbox. I made him a wrap and I wrapped it in tinfoil, which later I found out was a tactical error - he didn't know what it was, didn't open it, and therefore all he ate for lunch was a few cheez-its and some cheese cubes and nuts. He thought I forgot to make him a sandwich. And so the rest of the day went. Nothing horrible, nothing earth-shattering, just a feeling like I was on the verge of panic and 3 steps behind. I recognized the feeling - it's how I felt all year last year.
Now, at this point, you might realize I'm whining. Pity party of 1. There are starving people in the world, cops being shot at, racism alive and well and running for president. My morning was nothing. My day was nothing. And I'm probably going to have to reset my complaint counter. Oh well. I learned something, which is why I'm writing. I. ASKED. FOR. HELP. I have a student who could teach my A&P lab on Tuesdays. One uninterrupted day (8-Senate at 3:30) could mean that I'd have one day a week to get a lot done. I'd still teach on Thursdays. I actually asked for that. We'll see what the chair and the lab coordinator say - the student was fine with it.
Now, all this enlightenment didn't happen fast. I came home in a rotten mood. I wasn't angry, I wasn't happy, I wasn't sad - I was stressed. I scanned Facebook and saw tons of like and share posts about kids with cancer, dead military, and other such chipper topics that should have made me feel like a horrible human being for not being the happiest person on the planet. And all day, I'd been thinking about asking for that time reassignment and talking myself out of it. That I should suck it up. It wasn't that bad. This is just a bad week - I have 2 parts of an article and 2 reviews due this week. But tonight, I sent that email. So we'll see about the outcome, but I'm happy that I recognized what was going on. And finally realized that I'm not superwoman and that I'm done trying to be.
So tonight we folded laundry. We even separated his uniforms from his regular clothes. He is buying his lunch tomorrow because they are serving spaghetti and he's been looking forward to it all week. And I am going to bed and I will read the 4 court cases I'm discussing tomorrow afternoon tomorrow morning, along with the other stuff on my to-do list. Tonight I'm going to meditate, shut off my brain, and go to sleep. And while I'm meditating, I'm going to be grateful. Grateful that I have a husband who didn't know Ashley Madison existed. For a son. For being able to have the luxury of choosing between private school and public school, even if it does mean uniforms. And for my biggest work problems revolving around fitting stuff in and not dealing with discrimination, or hateful coworkers, or a micromanaging boss. And I'll go to bed kinda proud, that I asked for help because I would rather admit that I can't do it all well than feel like I'm disappointing everyone all of the time trying to do it all.
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