You need advice?

So I thought I'd write a post about some of the stuff I've seen in the advising center this semester.  This is my first year advising in the center, which advises mainly freshmen, new transfer students, and undecided majors.  To protect the innocent, I won't post about particular students, but I thought I'd compile a list of advice that I've doled out over the past few months.  If it's not useful info, at least it's funny...

 - The course entitled "Walking and Jogging" is probably about...walking and jogging.  No, I've never taken it - that's just my best guess.

 - (stolen from a colleague) "No, you don't have to sing in Music Appreciation - I think you listen to music and you appreciate it."

- There is no math involved in Art Appreciation.  Again, just a guess.

- I'm sorry, but I can't schedule all of your classes between 8am and 11am when you need 3 lab classes.  No, this isn't because biology professors just don't want to get up early.

- I'm not a man.  Sorry.  If you want the "man advisor", see Dr. Moore.  In fact, I would LOVE for you to see Dr. Moore.

- Canada, while technically a foreign country, still speaks English.  So I know you don't want a "foreign professor", but really, as he/she is a Canadian, I'm sure you'll be able to understand him/her just fine.

- You've failed Principles of Biology 3 times.  Have you considered other career alternatives?  I'm just not sure pre-med is the right choice for you.

- Yes, I'm really sure you have to take class X to be a biology major.   I'm sorry that you didn't realize earlier that being a science major would involve all that science.

- I realize that in high school you were an overachiever, but I'm not authorizing you to take over 18 hours your first semester of freshman year.  Yes, I do understand that you don't want to "waste your time".
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- I've seen a fair number of students flunking freshman seminar.  Why?  "That professor expects us to do stuff and turn it in" - wow.  How unfair.

- I'm sorry that you're going to have to take course X because what you thought was the equivalent didn't transfer.  My advice?  Pick a college and stick with it - then you won't have anything to worry about!

These are just the instances that stand out in my mind from the past 8 months or so.  As you can tell, I'm warm, fuzzy, and am likely to give you a hug and tell you that everything's going to be ok.  Yeah, right.  My other colleague from our department has told me that I just need to get zen before I go in there.  I'm still trying to work on that.  I think a solution for finding my zen might be to just drink heavily before I go in for my hours.  I can't say that it's all bad, though.  I've seen a lot of people with bright futures who have their act together.  The staff there is terrific (shoutout to Davy!).  But there are those who provided the examples above.  Welcome to college...